Identity Semi-Crisis

This memory has never left me.

My mom and dad dropped a piece of news on me; they were considering moving. Of course to a kid who is totally involved in her school, friends, and church, that news was a total buzz-kill. More than a buzz-kill. In fact, I remember sobbing at even the thought. Granted they were thinking about it. But no, just the thought was awful enough for me. What about my friends? Surely, the world would stop turning if I moved away from them.

My dad said something that irked me and that was, perhaps, a bit insensitive. “Honey, the truth is, the moment you graduate, you won’t talk to many of those people ever again.”


I vehemently protested such a grotesque understatement of my deep, binding friendships. How dare he minimize such prized relationships?

But I gotta hand it to dad, he was right on this one. I’ve walked through the last….oh, lets see, 4 and 1/2 years with only a very few old high school buddies. I was the first in my graduating class to move to a different state (TN – SC) and despite my good intentions and even desires, I’m not in ongoing contact with any of them.

My point? Life happens and people change. Boy, do they! Looking back on the past few years of my life, it is evident that I have changed (On that note, we can all join in a resounding amen).

You want to hear what has happened since I graduated high school in 2012? I moved away from home to work at summer camp, went straight to Bible School, spent two years studying God’s Word (incredible, by the way), endured endless family drama and changes, met my guy, left my church to work with youth at another church, got engaged, got married, and had a baby.

It has been a busy 4 years.

Maybe that doesn’t sound like a lot to you. But, in my opinion, these are a lot of life milestones all lumped into a few years. It has forced me to change and adapt very quickly. So quickly that I have spent the last 24 hours contemplating, “who am I really?” I’m not the girl from United Christian Academy in 2012. No sign of her (thank God). I’m not the student from the E.I. School of Biblical Training. I’m not the camp counselor bouncing around with kids every summer.

I’m a wife. I’m a mom. A daughter, sister, homemaker, cook, Plexus ambassador, confident phone-call-maker, avid meal planner, capsule wardrobe freak, weird-idea-haver, never-finish-a-book reader…

But even those things… one day I’m going to grow out of them, too.

I had a conversation with my husband the other day. I was feeling discouraged because of this very topic. He lovingly encouraged me to do activities I like to do and to pursue the things that fuel my personality. More importantly though, he pointed me to Christ.

He said, “I see what your saying, but I also believe some of your thinking is wrong…”

Geez, I hate being wrong.

“You have Christ in you, Ash.”

I’m such a dummy. Of course.

Christ is in me. Praise God! If I choose to identify myself based on who I am and what I do, I will always be confused. Heck, if I did that, I basically amount to a paci go-getter!

Christ defines me. And herein this truth lies freedom.

Yes, times are weird right now and I feel like I’m going through an adult awkward stage. But the truth that will ground me is this: 1 John 3:1 “See what great love the Father has lavished on us that we should be children of God. And that is what we are!”

On that note, this is my first blog post in an eternity. Care to join me on this awkward journey? I’d love the readership and encouragement.

2 thoughts on “Identity Semi-Crisis

  1. busymomof10 says:

    You are growing and blossoming — and growth is always awkward! Kind of like the young teen with braces and zits and too-long arms and clumsy coordination who becomes a beautiful, graceful woman in due season!

    Some people change crock pot slow, but you appear to be growing pressure cooker style! Embrace it! You’ll love the new you! ❤️


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